Ambivalence on Finality

It’s hard to say goodbye to something which means the world (well, almost) to you after struggling for a long time to finally turn your back on it.

You hope somehow that you’ll be sent for, that you’ll be needed, that things are not as final as it seems, and that there is hope for things to better themselves, but all you get are false alarms and the silence that slowly creeps into you, turning you paranoid and hysterical for no apparent reason.

Whoever said no news is good news? No news is bad news.

 But I know this is all my doing. I chose to be cruelly decisive, but it’s backfired on me. I left what I loved because it couldn’t get better as much as I hoped.

Leaving it means it will stay as it is; unresolved, uncompromised, plain and simple a case of incompatibility. Which no one bothered to decipher the downfall of the whole thing except myself.

To leave or not, it led me into self-destruction. I have this habit of convincing myself and no one can tell me otherwise unless some leeway has been given for me to know I’m at least partially right.

And it was the same for him. Except he doesn’t like to argue as much as I do.
“Why can’t you just be a bit more submissive??”
Haha. I could only manage a wry smile and then turn caustic again.

I am the way I am and I don’t really think that’s too much.
Anyway, life’s too short to be unhappy.

Unhappiness leads to incompetence. I will never let emotions cloud my dignity and judgement again.

Szez is in her element once more.

3 thoughts on “Ambivalence on Finality

  1. haha…u noe wat..dont u think life wld be
    much more simple if we juz be happy 4 ourselves
    n not for otherz…
    u use to tell mi to let go…i can tell u now
    i’ve learn to let go already…
    hope u be able to do the same…

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