Reflections on Christmas

OMG. I can’t believe 2009 just slipped by me like this..

This year has not been the easiest for me; there are too many details to recall, but I will definitely be happy about getting back in touch with old friends finally, making peace with my big sister on a grudge that I have finally let go, spending more time with my family and getting to know myself a little bit better and taking things a little bit slower and easier. I’m trying to age with grace.

I have been told many a time that I need to be more patient, but I maintain that as a woman nearing my mid twenties, I can’t afford to not be a little bit more aggressive in my pursuit of self-actualization (yes, Maslow stayed in my memory) before my prime years slip by too quickly, leaving me to realise that I’ve spent them waiting in vain for my big break without fighting for my chances. Sure, experience will make a person more seasoned in thought and seem more credible, and to have experience takes time. But experiencing more requires change, and being stagnant will not do. Therefore I seek change, not only in my work, but also in my lifestyle and exposure to different philosophies, different cultures, different potentials and different tastes and styles.

Being in a developed country like Singapore creates a stress level that brings out productivity in me, but coming back to Johor Bahru whenever I can keeps me grounded and gives me a little breather before I cross the border again to make my mark in the world, so to speak. Being home at my parents’ place puts myself back into focus again, because I gain energy from being around people who genuinely care about my wellbeing and are truly interested to know where I’m going and believe in me to reach my goals. No, scrap the last bit, because I also have friends based in Singapore whom I hold dear, who are almost family to me too. =) It’s just that I’m often too busy to catch up. I have been trying, I hope you all can see that!

This year has also been filled with a little bit of hiccups here and there, but life ain’t a spa retreat forever, yes? I’ve done some things that create this sinking feeling in my stomach each time I recall them. I’ve had people let me down, I’ve let people down, and honestly sometimes I wish I’m a bit less nonchalant when it comes to human relationships because I’ve caused some people to get hurt because of my thoughtlessness / insensitivity / honesty / inability to honey-coat words. And to these people, I am sorry. I really am.

Onward to more positive things, I’ve made a few goals for myself for 2010, not sure if they are attainable; I shall apply Murphy’s Law in the last 10% of my expectations. Not sharing them here because I don’t wanta jinx them (and also because some are pretty silly), so yea. Keep your fingers crossed, people, I hope I have a shining report card by end 2010 to show off.

Signing off, it is my sincere wish that 2010 will bring some sunshine after the very dark storm of 2009.

Merry Christmas, ya’ll. 😉


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