I’m not being fair to my hamster.

I think I’ve neglected my hamster.

Who represents my commitment to care for something that can feed the caring, altruistic, sensible, disciplined, average-human side of me. Peanut hasn’t been snuggled by me for about a few months now. I only feed him sufficient food so he survives, refill his water when the bottle’s empty (I’ll know when the dispensing stopper makes a lot of noise when he licks it desperately for water to be dispensed) and only change the lining when I think the smell is getting unbearable. Yes I’m not being fair to Peanut. I should offer him up for adoption.

I’ve neglected a lot of other things that I have time and again told myself to commit a part of my waking hours to. Like flossing. Or finally buying the hooks to hang up the mirror I bought for my bathroom. (So the mirror’s in my room instead.) And I was telling myself that I needed to exercise more so I signed up for Yoga classes. In the 3-month unlimited classes membership that I paid for, I only went for a grand total of 1 lesson. And I didn’t even collect my membership card – I only have the interim paper one that they gave me on the day that I signed up.

I just cancelled my membership over the weekend.

I guess the past 3 months were pretty interesting in terms of work. And I have devoted more time to meeting people to have a semblance of a social life. Not so good for my wallet as I once again find myself living from paycheck to paycheck.

Anyway the whole point of me discussing my life here like this is that I am so fully aware of the mundanity taking over my time but yet I can only concentrate on 1 or 2 things at a time it’s frustrating. There are a lot of things I wanta do, really. Like finding time to learn the er hu (although I suspect I’m losing interest by now) and doing more me time visiting my favourite tea shop and reading in a peaceful environment instead of using it as a way to curb boredom while travelling on the MRT to/from work.

I should be glad I’m such a loner, otherwise I’ll be going into depression. Talking about depression, I think it’s a lousy excuse for mentally weak people, or neglected folks who need to be noticed. Like how I’m beginning to find religion for people who would rather place their destiny in blind faith so they have a default answer for things they cannot explain. But another time on that.

I really don’t know how working mums manage it all. Working for about 8 hours, coming home to cook dinner, clean up after the children and then spending time with the husband to maintain the marriage (everyone says marriage needs work, no?) before sleeping for minimal hours and then waking the next day earlier than everybody to prepare breaky for everyone.

I mean, I now work on average about 10 hours a day. I sleep about 7 hours. Out of the remaining 7 hours, about an hour and a half is used for travelling. 1 hour of waking and getting ready for work (including getting a coffee for caffeine and a banana for energy), 1 hour shower & personal grooming (including moisturising, epilating, applying make up etc) time a day in total…

Oh, and I spend about 45 mins catching up on Craig Ferguson on Youtube and catching up on gossip on FB everyday.

The remaining hours are either for dinner/drinking dates if I manage to squeeze in one on a working day, or for a wee bit of shopping. I do other things like movies , treat-myself-right things like spa treatments and home visits to Johor Bahru on my off days.

How on earth does one get so disciplined to jump from one thing to another on one’s daily itinerary? I’m quite amazed at how successful people are organised enough to achieve so much and still have time for themselves.

From the day of receipt of my latest paycheck, I decided to only spend on the necessary. I do hope to save enough to invest in something to make my money grow so that when I do have time for myself – like when I’m taking my annual leave – I will have the spare cash for travelling, which is another real passion of mine that I am too broke for.

And now, it’s 2am. I gotta hang my big mountain of laundry that I finally shoved into the washing machine. Laundry is like most things necessary in life – some things can wait and although getting started is easy, the follow-through is such a dread the anticipation of the dread becomes a demotivation to get started and therefore the inertia to embark on these necessary things develop.

Or I’m just a lazy old bugger.


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