It’s Mid-June. Where the hell did the past 5 and a half months scurry under?
I wouldn’t really want to recount all the events that happened, because in my mind they are all a blur of meeting people and spending time alone. That’s all there is to it, I guess. Having a shared memory, or solitude…
I want to take a weekend off and spend time by myself. I’ve been a working adult since August 2007, so it’s been close to 5 years of toiling for a monthly paycheck. In these 5 years I’ve not taken any indulgently long leave. Just long enough to get away but too short to really have a real journey and discover. Maybe I shouldn’t have spent all that money on expensive meals. Ack. When will be my next holiday? I’m targeting Hanoi, mostly because nobody would know me there, and I’ll reflect on life as I sail by Ha Long Bay. Again, I will try my luck for the Big Sweep. I’m willing to invest SGD$3 for a chance of winning some dough to stay off salaried work for a bit.
I watched Snow White and the Huntsman over the weekend by myself. Apart from being let down by Kristen Stewart’s grotesquely lackluster performance, I had a moment of reality check because Charlize the evil Queen reminded me of how we are all scared of aging and dying. Suddenly I had a vision of myself getting old and dying and I got a bit startled. I haven’t thought of what comes after death that much lately and when I did, it was mostly the fact of losing people close to me that wetted my eyes for a moment. What will the world be without me in it? Would it make any difference? I’m 27 this year – how much time do I need to make a dent in history for people to know how I’ve changed the world (not necessarily for the better or worse, but just different)?
I think I experienced the same fear that all religious people do when they zealously worship whatever celestial god they prefer, based on the promise of being granted a glorious afterlife. The fear of dying, if not managed well, can cripple people of relishing the gift of being alive. Why do we focus on what all will come to when we all have such different living experiences to share? We all trying to gripe with the big Question of why are we alive and conscious, yes, but I’d rather let the inevitable descend upon me when the time is here.
Meanwhile, I’d like to enjoy my consciousness and senses. Maybe I might become a ghost with no sense of touch. How awful would it be, to see someone you love dearly but can’t even give him/her even a hug? Therefore I hug as much as I can while I’m alive because I’m not sure if I can still do that when I’m dead. Makes sense?
No matter what rocks your boat, everyone has a living philosophy. The successful want to build something significant enough to impact generations long after they die. The apathetic wallow in self pity because they are mostly also narcissistic inside, and lament just about anything they find disagreeable in their short glimpses of the universe to themselves and others. The resigned realist goes through each living day, glad that it is his/hers to be had. The desperate pray. I just feel powerless against the universe but powerful in my own sphere of influence. It is because I believe in the power of positivity and living your life.
I’d like to end with a Bruce Lee quote that I find pretty inspiring.
“Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one’s potential” – Bruce Lee
Go forth and be the best human being that you can be.